Rushing around like a bat? Have the goblins gobbled up your time? Are you in a demonic whirl to get your house ready for Halloween? Here are Uncialle's triple-tested tips and tricks for haunting your house inexpensively, easily -- and SPEEDILY! These tips are short on materials, downright stingy on time, and long on Halloween atmosphere! During the haunting season, Uncialle adds more tips, so visit often. Uncialle also accepts tips from other Halloweenies, and will be glad to share the best on this page!

13. A bloody handprint or two can add a colorful bit of spooky atmosphere. Good places: garage door, near the bottom; shower enclosure in the bathroom; on your sidewalk near the porch; on a window. Use ketchup if you are in a hurry.

12. Plastic owls are good! Garden stores have them, or you can order an inexpensive, realistic-looking owl decoy from Cabela's (see Sources Page).

11. Do you have a couple of plastic skeleton hands and/or monster hands? Duct tape each wrist to a pencil or stick, and poke them into the lawn near your sidewalk, into potted plants, coming up out of your pond (see above), or place the sticks between books in your bookcase, for a spooky reach-out.

10. Keeping some yardage of black net fabric or black chiffon around is a great idea. Drape a slashed and ragged square over a lampshade: instant Goth -- especially if you add a couple of plastic spiders. Drape end tables, a chair, a large table.

9. Meander purple, orange, and/or green mini-lights through your house plants.

8. Have a plastic skeleton and no time to fix it up into anything? Sprawl the thing along a sidewalk, on the front porch, or on the floor in a corner of your party room, one hand reaching out over its head.

7. Keep a handful of ping-pong-ball-type floating eyeballs on hand (Oriental Trading Company has them, see Sources Page). Wash and rinse them carefully and place in your fish tank or your party punch.

6. Duct tape is your friend. Duct tape a plastic skeleton to a tree or light post by taping it at the neck and at the spine just below the ribcage. For killer effect, then drape the whole skeleton with cobweb material.

5. Get out your mini tape recorder and record your own spooky sounds for about five minutes, including screams, gasps, whispers ("I am coming to get yoooooo."), and eerie laughs. Set the recording to loop and hide the recorder on the front porch. If it's raining, seal the recorder into a plastic bag. Make the volume just loud enough to be heard when you are ON the porch -- no need to cause your own axe murder!

4. Stuff a dead body. Find a set of old clothes (long sleeves a must) and an old hat. Safety-pin the armholes and legholes shut, and safety pin the shirt to the pants. Stuff with other old clothes or crumpled plastic bags or newspaper. Put in a couple of rocks or something else heavy so that wind can't roll him all over the lawn. Fill a plastic gallon milk jug with water, and place as his head, duct-taping the hat to the head. If you have an old Halloween mask to recycle, put it over the milk jug. If not, his hat can nearly cover his scary blank face. Place him so his hands are under his body so it will not appear that he doesn't have hands -- you know what I mean! Finish off with a pair of old shoes. A splotch of blood on his back is a nice touch. Use ketchup if you are in a hurry. He can lie on the lawn, porch, or party room floor.

3. Serve hot dogs or other meats with Heinz purple and green ketchups. They must have manufactured them just for Halloween!

2. Make a few quick signs on your computer and print them out: "Haunted House." "Beware of Witches." "Spook Hollow." "Creepy Corner." "Vampires R Us." "We want your blood." Use thick fonts and six-inch-high letters. Tape them up inside your windows.

1. At the five and dime, buy three or four of the largest plastic spiders you can find. Hang them on fishing line from trees in your front yard, from a lamp post, porchlight, fence, or other conspicuous place. They will swing slowly in the wind.

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